@loripalminteriTweets by @loripalminteri
If you are a fan of the of HBO hit about an awful rich family, might I suggest the funny version: “Arrested Development.” They are basically the same show except “Arrested Development” is joke packed and probably more realistic. I’m not even saying “Succession” is a bad show, but if suddenly the cast from an early season of “The Walking Dead” when it was still good came and slaughtered every character in an inhumane way, it would be no tragic loss even if the cross over made no sense because not a single character has a quality you root for. So I’m saying it. It’s an overrated show. There’s a ton of amazing TV (and even more than a ton of awful TV), I consider this, “missable television.”
Thai Iced Tea
There are few things that tantalize my tastebuds more than a Thai Iced Tea. Especially because I purposely keep myself in the dark about how much calories are in it. When are Starbucks and Dunkin’ gonna cash in on this drink? Must I always get a side of crab rangoons (not a complaint) every time I crave this milky orange delight (to be clear, I’m describing Thai Iced Tea and not quoting how Ann Coulter refers to Donald Trump). Actually, Amazon has some great at home options for those who love the drink as much as I do.
There. I said it. I’m not saying Mexican food is bad. I’m just saying it’s overrated. Know the difference. Why? Because it’s like the same 8 same ingredients just in different combos disguised as being the same dish by using the different names. It insults my intelligence. Yes, I love fresh guacamole (canned guacamole is disgusting, however, and we should just stop it). I still order guacamole even though I know that there is legitimate ethical problems in Mexico involving the cartel with avocados. That also never stopped me from doing blow at weddings. I never said I was an angel. Also, if you go to weddings in rapid succession, I defy you to turn down cocaine when it’s offered to you. It’s exhausting. And most DJ’s playlist make me want to cut myself if I’m not near blind drunk. All this being said, I had a blast at all the weddings I went to this year.
First of all, I’ve been calling every gender “dude” since before Kenan and Kel made it popular, so I don’t consider “dude wipes” a product targeted at males, which is also what I say about all my Vans sneakers and flannel shirts which has lead most of my adult life to lead people to believing I’m a lesbian which is mostly inaccurate. A wet wipe for your bum bum after a “long pee” is evidence of a truly mature person. I have a dream where everyone learns their lesson from the pandemic and washes their hands all the time… and that poo-pouri and some form of dude wipes will be complete in every bathroom. And I know what you’re thinking— women can’t even stop peeing on toilet seats, what hope do we have? Someday… someway…
Comedians Videos of “Destroying Hecklers”
I’m fairly convinced these videos encourage poor behavior in comedy clubs. There’s probably less than five of these videos I actually find really funny. Most of the time it’s just giving an unnecessary amount of attention to someone in the audience who wants the attention of a comic but has neither the talent nor self discipline to do so. It’s also amazing to me at this point in time how poor *most* comedy clubs are at policing the their rooms. It’s becoming a bad allegory for the state of America… how we are catering to the loud, dumb minority who shouldn’t be allowed to procreate while they impede on the happiness of others just trying to enjoy themselves to themselves. I see you silent majority and you’re my hero… because you’re silent except for your sweet laughter. This is besides the point, but no comedy clubs have taken me up my suggestion to police rooms, which, is of course one verbal warning, followed by getting shot by the bouncer with a super-soaker gun. No one likes to sitting in wet clothes. They just don’t.
Eddie Pepitone’s Special: “For The Masses”
Available on Amazon! Pepitone is not a comic I’ve the pleasure to have met or worked with, but few specials in recent years have made me belly laugh harder. A must watch for people who like to laugh. Which is you, I assume.
If there was a parade to end all parades, I would take my Valium which I need to be in large crowds and go. There are two exceptions: Disney World and the NYC Halloween parade. Every other parade sucks. That’s right. All your parades suck. Go home and watch television. People loved parades when they had no TV and then when they only had like 3 channels. Now, they’re terrible. Frankly, they have been for some time. So let’s all have one final parade! Let’s take to the streets and realize the litter and piss smell they leave behind is not worth it. Let’s let this tradition fall wayside, but not completely forgotten, like Christ in Christmas.
“Letterkenny” is probably the funniest show you’re not watching. I could list all the previous shows I’ve said this about that later became huge hits and award winners but I’ll save my television elitism for another time. The Canadian show is equal parts whimsical and weird, with a high joke density. I’m in love with Jared Keeso now. And do you know how hard it is for Americans to admit they are in love with Canadians??? Not that hard at all, actually. Which is exactly what someone would say, who is in love with a Canadian!
“TIKTOK” (For Adults… Mostly)
I feel like this shouldn’t even be on the list. TikTok just rubs me the wrong way. Like a magician who also does “comedy.” Look, I get it if you’re an adolescent and you’re falling prey to the inevitable algorithm that will control your life (don’t feel bad young-ins, you barely stood a shot). But if you’re over 30 and even have a TikTok, it’s worrisome to me. How many Christmas specials are going to have to come out about being off your phones and present with your loved ones because your death is imminent? Just sayin’.
Hand Written Letters
People love hand written letters so much, they tolerate my almost unreadable handwriting and ignore the fact that it looks like a letter from a serial killer. Few things matter more to people than opening an envelope that’s not a bill or something described as something fun that turns out to be a bill. It makes their day. And I get it. Not everyone is a gifted writer who now writes for both radio AND television, but you don’t have to be a gifted wordsmith to write a letter. Just do it. You’ll feel better. They’ll feel good. It may start a “pay it forward” chain and nothing, and I mean nothing, even as cheesy as it sounds, is more underrated than kindness. It goes a long way.