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Blog / News
Uber Princess
April 28, 2025
After doing my taxes (to be fair, I just put together receipts and my sister does my actual taxes), I really tally up where all my money is going and it’s no wonder I’m perpetually broke. Nothing is really more shocking to me than the fact that last year (2024) I spent $4000 on Ubers.
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Don’t Pass Me By
April 21, 2025
I’m unsure if people in other states do this, but as a lifelong New Yorker, I can attest to the fact that almost everyone here thinks Spring used to exist, but doesn’t anymore. The collective mindset of New Yorkers is that there are only three seasons. That New York goes from a long and brutal
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Bad Habits
April 15, 2025
The week ends. The week begins. Your phone, which is your most loyal companion and the demon on your shoulder, tells you how much time you spent looking at your phone last week. It’s disgusting. You’re disgusted with yourself. You wonder what you could have accomplished putting that time into ANYTHING else. And yet. You
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Independent Women & Wishing Wells
April 8, 2025
The live action “Snow White” flopped harder than a chubby kid belly flopping to impress a girl at a community pool. No, I haven’t seen it. But I have laughed and laughed and laughed at the savage reviews of the film and Rachel Zegler, that even I think are cruel, even if it deserves the
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Old Man Look At My Life
March 31, 2025
“I remember the day we were born. Nancy cried like a baby,” my dad tells this popular tale of the birth of him and his twin sister. It’s amazing how many people will ask, “you really remember the day you were born?” My mom, siblings and I will look at each other and roll our
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Tsunami
March 24, 2025
Before the giant rolling wave of a tsunami hits, the ocean will first rapidly recede unusually far from the shore– sucking up water for large and fast waves. If you ever see the ocean do this, turn and run. Run as fast as you can to high ground. I didn’t have such a warning when
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If You Give A Lori A Martini
March 17, 2025
If you give a Lori a Martini at the Lounge Bar in the Casino at the Borgata after her show, she’s going to ask for it extra dirty. When you give her the extra dirty martini, she’ll probably nibble on the olives. When she’s nibbled on the olives, she’ll become more thirsty and and drink
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In Defense of Nepotism
March 7, 2025
In keeping with tradition of arguing for the unpopular opinion and/or being a true neutral, making majorities annoyed with me, I’d like to defend nepotism. Between Hollywood or Washington, or even some shitty small company you work for, chances are, someone who’s related to a big shot has better treatment and a far better chance
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I “Mustache” You A History Question
March 3, 2025
Recently, I was doing a gig in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and since I was coming from another place in Pennsylvania, I was without a hotel and had ample time to kill. Much of Pennsylvania is rather boring, and sometimes even feels like you went through a time portal and are no longer in the 2020s. And
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Lasers. Libertarians. Lesbians.
February 26, 2025
I bought an at-home laser hair removal device off Amazon that cost me roughly a hundred dollars and had good reviews. Mostly, I got it for my underarms because I get a perpetual ingrown hair in my right arm pit that I have to pull out with tweezers. That’s really, really sexy, I know. You
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