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Sep 16, 2019
on What You Wish For
on What You Wish For
on What You Wish For
on Why You Should Buy Nick Griffin’s Comedy Special Right Now
- Lori Palminteri
on I May Need Your Help
@loripalminteriTweets by @loripalminteri
Beast of Burden
My boss at my new job is the type of guy who says both, “oh heck” and “oh shit” in the exact same tone. It’s odd but endearing in it’s own way. He’s so completely dry and low energy he makes me look manically charged. Hands down, one of the nicest bosses I’ve had in so long that I forgot what it was like to have a boss who actually appreciates your help. It’s like getting out of an abusive relationship and being with someone who genuinely wants you to flourish and you’re all like, “damn, I have to work on my self esteem.”
When people ask me what my new company does, I say, “honestly, I’m not really sure. It’s a not for profit which doesn’t make sense because we’re all making money. It’s a big office and everyone is really quiet. I like that they’re quiet.“
“Well… what do you do?”
“Honestly, I’m not really sure. My boss shows me how to design something (I’m in the marketing department) or how to code something and I just do it, hoping I don’t completely fuck it up and look like an idiot.”
It’s not that I’m a super smart whiz kid. It’s more that most people are idiots, so I reign as seemingly highly intelligent. The number of idiots in this world are so vast, that often I’ve been one of the smartest people in my previous work environments. Here, that is not so much the case. There are a lot of smart people. I have no idea what they’re talking about half the time because they speak in acronyms so they might as well be speaking Chinese. Because of this, I worry that even though I wear glasses they are going to figure out that I’m more or less figuring this out as I go, but then I also remember that most people are idiots, so they must be at minimum marginally glad I have the ability to learn.
I’m still quite shy but with age I really am giving less and less of shits. It’ll all be over soon enough. I told my boss that his hand writing was only slightly better than mine and my handwriting was only slightly better than a serial killer, which made us both laugh, but then I thought, “geez, Lori. Your opening bit is to insult your bosses handwriting and then compare you both to a serial killer? You really are one special little weirdo, aren’t you?”
Another day a co-worker was telling me that she was going to on vacation to Dominican Republic and in my brain I’m going, “DO NOT MAKE A JOKE ABOUT HER DYING IN DR. DO NOT MAKE A JOKE ABOUT HER DEATH. THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR HUMOR. ALSO YOUR HUMOR IS SICK. NOT EVERYONE APPRECIATES JOKES ABOUT THEIR ULTIMATE DEMISE. ALSO THIS IS A REAL COMPANY WITH AN HR DEPARTMENT. DO NOT MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOUR COWORKERS DYING. NOT COOL, LORI.”
On August 1st, I left work practically skipping.
“I’m going to Metlife Stadium to see the ROLLING STONES!”
“That’s amazing,” my boss said.
“Wow,” this woman said, “Mick Jagger is probably old enough to be your great grandfather.”
“I’d still fuck him!” I exclaimed! (hahaha, I did not say this because I kind of like this job and I don’t want to get fired even though the shock value on her face would have been so goddamn funny, now that I’m thinking about it, I kind of wish I did retort with my rubbish. Besides, it’s always been that you wanted to fuck Mick Jagger but you wanted Keith Richards to fall in love with you. Don’t trust anyone who says otherwise.)
My sleep has been so shitty, I passed out completely on the bus to Metlife Stadium, someone had to shake me awake when we got there. I was completely disoriented. Where the fuck am I? And then I realized I was going to a ROLLING STONES concert and I thought, “fuck yes, this is one of the best situations you can wake up to.”
Friends were tailgating in the parking lot and once I found them I joined. We conversed with other boozers and I met a girl who is from my hometown and knows both my sister and brother.
“But I’m the one who’s been on TV!”
I prefer getting stoned to getting drunk at concerts because I don’t like to have to pee a lot. I’d be flying.
The Stones come out blazing. Mick Jagger still jives like a maniac. Charlie Watts body is so still, but his fingers are moving so fast. Keith Richards IS THE inventor of cool. And when Ronnie Wood steps up for riffs, he commands the crowd and they roar for him, as he makes music look effortless.
They own the swagger, “YEAH, WE’RE STILL THE ROLLING FUCKING STONES.”
It was somewhat surreal. I’ve been listening to them my whole life and never thought I’d get to see them, mostly because I thought one of them would have died. But there is something so epic about seeing legends. Especially rock legends. I kept having these moments wave through me where I’d be thinking, “holy shit. That’s the ROLLING STONES up there. What a world!”
Looking around a cheering stadium, on their feet, singing along, I thought, “oh, wow. This is what’s keeping them alive.” I think the biggest crowd I performed for was 1500 people, more or less, and that is just an incredible feeling. A mere spec of sand fraction of what they’ve been experiencing most of their lives.
Of course Mick and Keith have notorious differences, and if it was for show, they fooled me because they seemed like they were having so much fun. They make great music. And they love it.
[Also some of their new songs have fallen through the cracks, but this song “Doom and Gloom” is one of my favorites and the music video rocks. Noomi Rapace is so hot in it, I have a major girl crush on her. Click Here for Doom and Gloom.]
They did not, however, play not only my favorite Stones song but one of my favorite songs ever, “Beast of Burden.” Richards revealed this song represented the iconic songwriting duo linking during a dark period for the band (it’s not really about a lover). Which makes it even cooler to me, in the sense that as long as you enjoy your art, it won’t be a burden. Many artists fall out of love with their art. It’s a great loss to them. But most things cannot sustain.
Except the Rolling Stones.