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Do Not Use Hertz Rental
May 31, 2024
Renting a car has gotten astronomically expensive— I mean, EVERYTHING has gotten more expensive, I spend far too many minutes a day wondering how anyone even affords living in country and planning on marrying a foreigner for duel citizenship so I can leave this country when it inevitably sinks. But that’s a rant for another
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The Childless Woman
May 21, 2024
To be honest, like every other 30s woman on the planet who doesn’t have kids, I’m pretty sick and tired of the bullshit coming from both sides. Either it’s from one side telling us we’re selfish and unfulfilled, or you have another side mocking mothers preaching that we are constantly living our best lives without
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P is for Pineapple
May 20, 2024
Pineapples take two to three years to grow. Which is crazy because you could plant a pineapple, have sex, get pregnant, have a kid and by the time the kid is old enough to say “pineapple,” the pineapple you planted the day you had sex to make life is ready to eat. Let me tell
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Scoot Scoot
May 11, 2024
One evening, I went for a run and got brutally murdered. In fact, we are all dead and living in a purgatory like the predictable ending of “Lost.” Just kidding. I’m pretty sure, anyway. Not about the running at night part though. Which I maybe shouldn’t do. I especially shouldn’t run at night with my
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Fantasy
May 3, 2024
One time, I was dating this younger guy and I asked him if he had any sex fantasies. He paused for a moment, thought about it and said, “um, no.” Aghast, but trying to keep my face from showing disappointment in this ho-hum answer, I pressed further. Perhaps he was being coy… “no fantasies whatsoever,
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Juxtaposing Grandfathers
April 23, 2024
In truth, I had no chance of turning out normal… none of us did. For our patriarchy was massively fucked up, for the most opposing reasons. In retrospect, there’s nothing left to do but shrug. Our identities are only somewhat carved by our ancestors. Even as kids we knew our Grandfather’s were not like most.
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What It Seems
April 21, 2024
You wake up late again, and instead of rising, you sort your dreams. Sometimes there’s half a dozen you remember, ranging from fun to frightening, or straight confusing. But perhaps the ones you hate most are the ones that mesh with reality. The ones that mimic conversations in real life, or things you should have
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Conversations with Charlotte
April 10, 2024
Charlotte, my six year old niece, is a bundle of love. Even for little girls, I scarcely met anyone sweeter. If angels are born from flawed people, Charlotte’s halo shines brighter than the ring of a lunar eclipse. When throwing a coin in a fountain, she’ll tell you she wishes that, “everyone will be safe
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Burn The Witch
April 10, 2024
“Abandon all reason Avoid all eye contact Do not react Shoot the messengers This is a low flying panic attack Sing the song of sixpence that goes… Burn the witch” — “Burn the Witch,” Radiohead It was Easter Sunday. My initial plans were no plan. And while some think a holiday without plans a lonely
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Monkey Toe Palminteri
March 26, 2024
I open up my lap top to write in a cafe next to a table of older gentlemen discussing politics. It crosses my mind to ask them if any of them are interested in foot videos. But I’m running ahead of myself here a bit, on my fast, apparently very, very sexy feet. Flashback to
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