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Blog / News
Irrational Thoughts
March 7, 2016
A lot has been bothering me lately, and my mind is even more poisoned than normal, and I can’t write about why, and the things I can write about I won’t because I’m a fraud, like every one else. The anxiety started weeks ago… like an incoming tide, slowly rising, until I was drowning in
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Going to the Movies Alone
February 27, 2016
Movie going is one of my favorite pastimes. There was a time in my life, I would go to the movies every week. I wouldn’t even look up times or what was playing. I’d show up, and just see the next movie. I saw literally every movie in theaters. Alone. There’s something therapeutic about the
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Dear Michelle
February 22, 2016
Dear Michelle, You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. You used to have my phone number. I got my cell phone for Christmas when I was seventeen. All my friends had cellphones for a couple years. I was the last person to get a cell phone in my high school, I’m pretty sure.
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Dates I Fucked Up
February 14, 2016
In light of Valentine’s Day, the day of pretend love, I’d like to shed light on how socially odd I can be, especially when dating. I don’t write a lot about my love life. This is mostly because comedy consumes my life, and I’m a very selfish person, and rarely put anyone else before me
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Lori Palminteri’s Anti-Self Help Guide
February 7, 2016
If your life is as great as you pretend it is on social media, maybe you want to take it down a few notches? Maybe, you look yourself in the mirror and say, “wow, I lead a fulfilled life, and I would like to suffer for the sake of suffering.” When it comes to worrying,
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The Holy Grail
January 31, 2016
Sir Lancelot: [Sir Galahad the Chaste is being seduced by an entire castle full of young women] We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad: I don’t think I was. Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there
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January Dreams
January 25, 2016
There’s a strange myth that one doesn’t dream when they go to bed high, and there’s a bad hacky joke about it too, that goes something like, “when you get stoned you don’t have dreams, and your real life dreams die too.” This has never been true. At least not for me. Actually, going to
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Comedy Central
January 18, 2016
When I was just a sophomore in college, I arbitrarily applied for all sorts of internships. This seemed like the thing to do to get experience, and a “foot in the door.” Amongst internships I reasoned I had a pretty good shot at getting, I also researched and sent out cover letters and resumes to
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The Great Depression
January 10, 2016
Growing up, my Father was a stern, stubborn, self confident man feared by the kids in my neighborhood despite the fact that he only stands at 5’7 (and a half, if you ask him) feet tall. He always had a reputation of the type of Dad who could fix anything, always willing to lend a
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Faster & Faster & Further From Peace
January 3, 2016
I’ve always liked to go fast. Run fast. Bike fast. Speeding in a boat. Speeding in a car. Down a snowy hill. Dropping in on a wave. Fast. Fast. Faster. Back in the day, I was a track runner. Sprints were not my thing, but I was dominant in long distance running. Running track was
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