Meeting Moms

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• September 17, 2025

Some years ago, we thought Dani wouldn’t be with us today. Her cancer diagnosis was for the worst, but she is still here. A heartbroken and angry Lori wrote a blog some years ago, When This is Finally Over, but I am pleased to announce that said fated to die woman in this blog didn’t die. She’s healthy and thriving today. And she’s more badass than ever.

It just so happened that I ran into her mother who remembered that piece I wrote and she asked if I could send it to her. I write a lot of my thoughts and feelings on this blog, and if you read it, I don’t sugarcoat the pain I felt to witness to what might have been the end of my dear friend’s (who’s only in her 30s) life. But miracles do happen, holy or not. She is still driving a cool as fuck car or boat and bar-tending on Sunday’s at her girlfriend’s bar (free wings!), The Lookout, in Sayville, between traveling the world. Though she’s tougher than anyone I know, under it all she is sweet (she will be angry with me for saying she’s sweet, haha, but she is). Dani takes no bull shit, and that’s how we earned each other’s place as a best friend. No bull shit. We can both be assholes, in a funny way, but we’re not about people who mean or inconsiderate.

I loved Dani’s mom instantly, because I love Dani. I love meeting people’s moms. For the most part, you can tell someone’s capacity for good based on their relationship with their mom. I have always been friends with my friend’s moms. And on the rare occasion I met the mother of a guy I was dating, I loved them too. One time I dumped a guy and I felt badly only because I liked his mom, and I was going to miss her. Listen, I’m not cheapening fathers. I love dads too. And Dad’s are extremely important. But even my brother says, “if it weren’t for having a loving mother, I’d be a complete psychopath. Boys need good mothers.” Our moms are our suns, we orbit in your warmth. So please, stay that way. Because if our stars go cold, we are lost to the universe. It’s a heavy weight, but that’s the price of motherhood. Hug your mom, always. Not everyone is blessed with a great mother, and like all of us, they won’t be here forever.

More recently, I wrote a blog called, The Happiest Man in Astoria, about my friend, Igor. And it just so happened, I ran into his mother just the other day. I was excited to meet the mom of one of my favorite Astoria residents. She radiated a warmth and beauty, inside and out, that made it clear how Igor turned out how he did. Years ago, she left Russia and came to America with nothing. Her and Igor shared a one bedroom for a long time, broke but striving for a better future in the land of the free. She has nothing but gratitude for this country.

When I told her I was the one who wrote the piece on Igor she was surprised because she thought it was written by a man, specifically, our friend Perry, who is a doctor. Though I also adore Perry and he is extremely smart, to my knowledge, he is not a writer. She thanked me for writing such a piece about her son. We got to chitchatting, and she said she is just so thrilled Igor is such a happy person with so many great friends. She said there was a time she lamented she didn’t have grandchildren, but accepted it wasn’t part of the divine plan and she is filled with joy that her son is healthy and goes through life with a smile on is face all the while being such an upstanding friend and neighbor.

She knows Igor is a pot head, and despite other mothers commenting about it in a condensing way in the past, she saw it as no different than drinking, and it’s not hard drugs. It never bothered her. Additionally, Igor isn’t lazy. I’ve seen the man smoke a fat joint and then work on the garden for hours and hours, whistling like a goddamn dwarf. She said she’s blessed to have a son like him. And I know for a fact he feels the same way about her.

Without going into detail, I told her I was going through a rough patch in my life. I’d lost my job and the future for writers looks bleak. Additionally, I have some personal family drama that weighs on my heart. With full confidence, she said not to worry. That things will work out. There is a plan. That I may not see where my career path is going, but it will become clear sooner or later. And that everyone in my family was going to be okay, because families that love and look out for each other make it through tough times. I needed to hear that on that particular day. She was like an angel to me.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t think anyone will love me like my mom loves me. Perhaps it has even been foolish of me to seek a partner that would. No one is ever going to prioritize your needs over their own like mothers. So be sure to call yours a lot and visit whenever possible. Also, talk to other people’s moms. Ask them about their kids or for advice or perspectives. And if you are a mom reading this, know that even though mother’s are often taken for granted, if I see you, that means a lot of other people do too.

I love my mom. But I love you other moms too.