@loripalminteriTweets by @loripalminteri
Butt Plug Palminteri: A Major Threat To Society
In a previous blog I shared how someone used one of my stand up clips and titled it “Butt Plugs” despite the fact that don’t even mention butt plugs in the set, nor I have ever said the term “butt plugs” into a microphone, ever. In just 3 days, the clip got over 100,000 views, making me question my career where I’ve honed writing clever jokes for the intelligent, instead of lowest form of shocking sex garbage.
But it would seem my alter ego, “Butt Plug Palminteri” (how those closest to me know me best now), strikes again.
A good friend of mine a former co-worker, Antonella, recently wed her boyfriend, Joe, of many years. They are both Queens native Italians. True New York guineas (I can say this because I’m half Italian). As you do, she posted her beautiful wedding day pictures of her forever memorable night on Facebook. Now, because I’m a professional and perpetual clown who cannot even help word vomiting jokes, I commented on her photos that if Joe breaks her heart, I would “break his legs and dump him in the river.”
Pretty funny, right? (It is.) Also, this is how us Italians express our emotions. It’s actually a form of endearment. Anyway, the newly united couple laughed at this… until the comment disappeared. Then, I get a notification from Facebook saying they removed the comment and my account is temporarily suspended from commenting on anyone’s post until they review my account. I tried to repeal this because it’s an obvious joke (also, Joe is twice my size, I probably couldn’t even break his pinky). Facebook denied my appeal saying that I did not follow their regulations and I’m inciting violence. Cause you know, that’s me– a major threat to society. People cower in fear when I walk down the street (actually, I would love it if people were intimidated by me but because of my all American face and mousy size I’m constantly approached by tourists for directions).
Look. If my friends were mad about this, I would immediately take it down. But even they said, “wow, Facebook is run by a bunch of pussies.” Bahahaha.
So, there you have it. I’m shadow banned for 24 days. Which means, I’m not fully banned but my posts will “appear at the bottom of people’s feeds.” So the lesson here is… Facebook sucks? But we kind of already knew that. What we didn’t know is that I’m basically Harley Quinn and it’s likely I’ll take to the streets and beat people up for fun because that’s just who Butt Plug Palminteri is. A psycho.