The Story of Brian

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• May 22, 2026

This blog couldn’t be called “The Life of Brian” because that’s already one of my favorite movies by the Monty Python boys, and Brian is also in the middle of his life. But this is about Brian Butcher, and yes, that’s his actual name not the fictional name of someone in a super hero show. Pretty cool. And he is cool. He is my cousin. If you would have told me when I was young that Brian Butcher would be one of the most admirable men in my life as an adult, I would have said, “really? Brian?” It’s not that I didn’t love Brian. I always loved the rascal. But let me start at the beginning…

John and Nancy Palminteri are twins. John is my father, and Nancy is Brian’s mother. John came out first and remembers the doctor clearing the cigarette smoke to get Nancy next, a comic re-telling that my Dad likes to tell people with a straight face. People respond with, “you remember when you were born?” The twins were middle children in the Italian Catholic family of six. John was organically funny and Nancy was his best audience.

Nancy marries Keith Butcher, an Irishman who is a better Italian cook than any of the 100% Sicilian Palminteri’s. John marries Donna, a big hearted, creative, tiny blond who is a lot of fun and also one of six children. They buy houses in the same town. Jamie is the first born to Nancy and Keith. Some years go by and my parents would have my sister, Lisa. Then Nancy and Keith would have Brian. A year later I was born. My brother would come a couple years after me, and then Nancy and Keith would have another little baby, Melissa. So the Butchers make up three of my total twenty first cousins between both sides.

Because we lived so close to each other, our families were bonded by more than just blood. We would show up unannounced at their house and Keith would cook a meal as the adults talked and the kids ran around in the backyard. The Butchers would frequent our out-grown pool, with or without us there. Both families had small boats and we took trips to Fire Island in the summer. Holidays were spent with all our family, a whirlwind of big family life. It was chaos in the best possible way. The Butchers and Palminteri’s were sitcom characters in each others lives.

[A very young Lori, Brian & Lisa]

Brian and I were both the middle children and only a year apart, but growing up, I was closer to my older cousin Jamie who was a nerd, both smart and wise (there is a difference, you know). Jamie is still someone I look up to and call for advice, and she is still one of the smartest and wisest people I know on this planet. Brian and Mitch were very close because they both longed for a brother, since they both had two sisters. But Brian, being three years older than Mitch, simply tortured him and Mitch seemed to like it because, boys will be boys. And the boys were trouble.

Brian was a wild child. First of all, he is the only child I have ever seen that had six pack abs. He was a natural athlete. We were all goonies, climbing trees and whatnot, but Brian was an often a ring leader of trouble-making. He was constantly being yelled at and pretty much ignored the orders of his parents entirely.

Two memories stand out in my head to really paint this picture. Aunt Nancy is a hair dresser and she had these cotton coils. Brian and Mitch drew a little city with aliens, and then strung the cotton coil through the paper city and set it on fire. Another time, with an actual Red Ryder BB gun, Brian nearly shot Mitch’s eye out just like the movie, “A Christmas Story.” When they came back from the woods, Mitch had a perfectly circular wound just below his eye and claimed to have “tripped and fell on a stick,” a lie no one believed. These stories of rebellious fun bordering on actual danger are endless.

Brian and Mitch were not bad kids, to be clear. They were beloved, popular, star athletes, funny, but wild and often times assholes. They would not contest any of this. In high school, Mitch used his cousin Brian Butcher as some sort of “street cred” as a tough kid. People were often shocked to learn Brian was my cousin because we looked nothing alike (I was a very tiny blond girl, and Brian was all Italian looking), and I was an introverted weirdo and Brian was a maniac.

High School, however, is seldom as it seems in the movies and there wasn’t such hard boundaries between groups. Of course there were your stereotypical jocks, nerds, theater kids, emo kids, skater kids, band kids, what have you… but almost everyone belonged to two groups so there was a lot of overlap. It was not uncommon for me to be at the same party as my cousin Brian, where we would quickly embrace. No cousin of mine was ever an enemy. We always loved seeing each other.

In college, I was still closest with Jamie who was in her first career, living in New York City. I even subleted her apartment on the Upper East Side when I graduated as she was going to switch careers and move to the midwest. At the time, I couldn’t understand why anyone would leave New York City. The food! The culture! But I remember my wise cousin saying how exhausting the city was, a perpetual grind, and now I truly understand that…

But I digress. Brian was a rambunctious teenager to put it kindly, but at some point, he switched his major to nursing and really hunkered down and studied science. And, ironically, the shy 4.0 GPA student I was, was about to make a radical change and go into comedy. Brian and I started bonding on our deep love of science fiction, music, and psychedelics. We were both still goonies who loved the outdoors adventures and hiking. Suddenly, there was a shift, and Brian wasn’t this half a jerk older brother figure, but he was becoming not just one of my closest cousins, but one of my best friends.

I had known a couple of Brian’s girlfriends but we generally stayed out of each other’s love lives. One day, we decided to go on this white water rafting trip upstate (the first time I went white water rafting would be with my cousins Brittany and Ed from my mom’s side). We drove like three hours there, and would white water raft, and then drive three hours back because we are both that crazy. On this trip, he was telling me about this girl he met on Bumble, Christine. I knew in the way he spoke about her that this girl was really special. Dare I say my alpha male cousin was falling in love?

He was! When I met Christine, I could instantly see why. Christine was an only child, and a bit sheltered. Her upbringing was vastly different than ours, and though she found both Brian and I to be oddly dark and straight up odd, she has a great sense of humor and infectious laugh. She was getting her Masters to be an art teacher. Christine has a radiant warmth to her, like an actual Disney princess, she is beautiful inside and out. You would have to be basically retarded to not fall in love with her.

[Dad, me, Mom, Christine, Brian & my nephew Anthony]

Right before my eyes, this love story unfolded. A rebel turned nurse meets grounded art teacher. Both nerds. Different in some ways, but alike in other ways. They are soul mates. It was much to my surprise how romantic Brian was to Christine. Leaving her little love notes in lunches he made for her to go to work. Giving really thoughtful gifts. It shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise to me because my Uncle Keith is a romantic. Even though Nancy and Keith were famous for their playful but constant bickering, Uncle Keith had this romantic streak in him that my completely void of romance father called, “a little gay.” Even though all of my cousins agree my parents have one of the best marriages in the family, my Dad is not even a little romantic. It was delightful to see tough guy Brian turn into a mush. But I guess it took a special someone like Christine to bring that out of him.

[Me, third wheeling it]

Of course, they marry, and have one adorable daughter and another kid on the way. Brian wants to have lots of kids, while Christine is actually more realistic on how much children cost (haha). We have a running joke that I’m their permanent third wheel, as I get along with both of them famously. Their lives aren’t perfect (because no ones life is) but they are quintessential proof that true love and the very meaning of life, to be happy, loved, and have a house and family indeed DOES exist. They aren’t my only cousins to have found this, by the way. But this is the story of Brian. Whose character arc is most surprising, impressive and inspiring. And it is my absolute joy to be in Brian’s orbit.