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When Life Literally Shits On You
May 12, 2026
Hips That Lie
May 3, 2026
Letters to Jesus from an Atheist
May 1, 2026
You Can Be My Enemy
Apr 27, 2026
The New York Lie
Apr 19, 2026
Uncle Keith
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When Life Literally Shits On You
May 12, 2026
The sun was shining on a glorious Spring day in May in New York, sans humidity, perfect weather. The type of weather that lifts your spirits even in tough times. Families bring their kids to the park, dogs play catch with their owners, skateboarders attempt new tricks. Despite the looming doom of the great empire
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Hips That Lie
May 3, 2026
As a science defying late bloomer (seriously, my pediatricians said they were going to use my growth chart to medical students because I didn’t get my period until I was 17 and had a growth spurt in my 20s), I was doomed to shop at “Kids R Us” in high school. The only pants not
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You Can Be My Enemy
April 27, 2026
People need an enemy. The world needs an enemy. You see it all the time. That’s why political tribalism is so bad in America in 2026. It’s so easy to say that the fault absolutely the other guy. No nuance. No accountability. No reflection. If people don’t have a monster, they will create one. The
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The New York Lie
April 19, 2026
Where’s the soul I wanna know? New York City’s evil The surface is everything but I could never do that Someone would see through that — Motorcycle Drive By, Third Eye Blind The flowers are begging you to come outside. All colorful and shit. Bopping in the wind as if they are dancing, celebrating pure
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The Wavering Mind And Chasing Butterflies
April 12, 2026
“Que será, será Whatever will be, will be The future’s not ours to see Que será, será What will be, will be” One of the favorite slang words of the youth is being “cooked,” which refers to being defeated, finished, exhausted or in trouble. My version of this, for years, has been, “it’s over.” In
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Cheek to Cheek
April 3, 2026
“Do you want to know something people don’t know?” The quizzical almost five year old asks me in his high pitched but somewhat nasally voice. “Sure,” I respond. “Under the crust of the Earth there is lava.” “If people don’t know that, then how to do you know that.” He thinks for a minute. He’s
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When Being Young Meant Letting Go
March 24, 2026
As I write this, I sit in an airport with a large bloody Mary, so take whatever I write with a shot of your favorite spirit. And as a disclaimer, I don’t think children should be drinking alcohol, but I think in order to save the youth, they need to start drinking again. It is
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The Astronaut Suffers
March 21, 2026
Few things fascinate me more than the cosmos. Space, in its infinite wonders, is only matched by mystery to humanity by the deep blue sea. Personally, I like the fact that there are still mysteries to us. As astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson says, “the universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.” History,
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Conan O’Brien Audience Story
March 14, 2026
Conan O’Brien is one of my idols and top comedic influences. He’s a legend and one of the best to ever do it. I grew up worshiping Conan, as he is a master of walking the line between smart and silly, which he makes look easy and it really is not an easy thing to
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Distraction. Distraction. Distraction.
March 6, 2026
Like almost everybody, I spend far too much time on the internet. It’s hard not to, especially in the winter when we are stuck indoors. In a recent internet conspiracy around whether or not Jim Carrey was cloned or sends a body double in his place (I think it’s very possible Jim has a body
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