NEWS STUFF: Study Links Time Spent On Buzzfeed With Depression

• Lori Palminteri
• Uncategorized
• April 12, 2015

BALDWIN, NY, after getting off the LIRR where she was forced to listen to a woman arguing with someone on their cellphone for twenty minutes during her commute, an exhausted 37 year-old, Justine Jordan, wishes someone would make more Buzzfeed quizzes.  “Every time someone posts a Buzzfeed quiz on their Facebook, I’m anxious to see which “Game of Thrones” character I am, or what the color of my anger is,” Justine said as she refreshed her Facebook feed.  A new scientific study shows that the more one visits the Buzzfeed website, the more they hate their life.  “I stopped caring about my job years ago,” the mother of three admitted, “but it pays the bills.  The Buzzfeed quizzes just help the day go by faster.”  Justine has only twenty six years left until retirement.  Buzzfeed prides themselves on such mindless content that keeps people like Justine not only employed, but distracting her from severe depression that could lead to suicide.

(This article may or may not be completely made up.)