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An Open Letter To My Arch Nemesis
July 1, 2019
To My Arch Nemesis– You nasty bitch. You’re a viscous, horrible existing creature. When people speak of your grace and beauty, I think about wringing my fingers around your thin, long neck. I have seen what you are capable of. You’re a monster. I assumed you probably were already dead until I found out that
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I Don’t Think I’m Going To Do This Much Longer
June 24, 2019
I don’t think I’m going to do this much longer. This. This blog. This website. Twitter. Facebook. Instagram. All of it. Comedy. Stand up. Chasing the dragon. All that. It’s not working out. It’s no ones fault, really. Besides mine. I could’ve/should’ve worked harder. You could always be better. That’s what’s so annoying about it.
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Tiny Tears
June 16, 2019
Little baby Charlotte woke up from her nap and is greeted with a smile from me, her Aunt Lori. Looking up, she seems a little confused. She knows me but she’s not used to waking up to me being there. In her post slumber confusion, she gives me a look like, “you look like my
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If You See Me Coming At You With A Syringe
June 10, 2019
It’s that time of my life again, folks. That time of my life where I shift jobs. One shitty job to the next shitty job. All a secondary means to keep going at this until there’s a writing job. Is there a steady writing job? New York, I love you, but I think about leaving
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Sheets. Stage. Sea.
June 3, 2019
My therapist noted my sheer discomfort in our sessions, and I let her know that this was me in a more comfortable setting. Hearing about how sensitive I really am and how I shield it has quickly become a bore, to be honest. When asked what I thought would make me happy, I replied, “a
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Why You Should Buy Nick Griffin’s Comedy Special Right Now
May 27, 2019
Okay, okay, okay… there’s an obvious bias here coming from me, I know, I get it. But I am not wrong when I tell you Nick Griffin’s “Cheer Up” is as good as any special you’ve seen in recent years or will. He’ll deny praise because he’s stupid and shy, even though he’s not stupid
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3 Days Into 30
May 21, 2019
The eve of my birthday, forever the last day of my 20’s, my sister took me to see “Harry Potter & The Cursed Child.” Before jumping in here, allow me to review this play. If you’re a Harry Potter fan, it’s a must see, but even if you’re not big on it, it’s such tremendous
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Unplugged, Unhinged
May 13, 2019
It really bothers that when my car was robbed I was probably awake and staring at the ceiling. I was awake staring at the ceiling till sometime after 4am, having just taken my 3rd valium of the evening. The first valium I took at midnight, which I thought would do the trick. If only I
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Whippet Good!
May 7, 2019
The first time I did a whippet I was 28 years old and tripping on acid. What a ridiculous sentence. It’s hard to believe that in all those years I worked in restaurants I never did a whippet until I was 28. We spent most of the day in the sun at the park. Soaking
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Enjoy.
May 2, 2019
“Who’s sunglasses are those?” “They’re mine,” my brother, Mitch, replied as we meet outside the airport in Florida, waiting for our parents to pick us up, “I just bought them.” “They’re girl sunglasses.” “No they’re not. I just bought them.” “Yeah. But they’re definitely girl sunglasses.” “How can you tell?” “The way they go up
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