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Slim and Chunky
February 21, 2021
Let’s face it. Kids aren’t exactly the most creative when it comes to naming pets or stuffed animals. For example, my nephew named his plush stegosaurus “Bumpy” and when we were in Florida together and found this malnourished little lizard that hung out in my parent’s lanai, he called him “Runny” because he ran fast.
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Can I Smell Your Baby?
February 6, 2021
New born babies have some magical powers. They legitimately release pheromones from the top of their head to make you love them. This sneaky trick you and I did as well when we were mere days old, unaware of what we were, yet alone what we were doing. The pheromones create strong bonds especially between
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TEETH
January 31, 2021
When my parents were selling our childhood home, Mom was clearing out all the things. And I mean all the things. I had already moved out to my apartment in Astoria, though I frequented the mother ship and often stole toilet paper and paper towels during visits. One day when I stopped by my mom
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A Shocking Kiss
January 25, 2021
Look, I know I kind of hoodwinked you into reading this blog with a juicy title. Yeah, you. The person who only sometimes reads my blogs based on the titles. I’m talking to directly to you! You saw this one and thought, “oh, Lori is going to write about her love life.” Well, I tricked
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Hot Water
January 22, 2021
Growing up, if I were to shower before school I’d wake up at 5:45 before my family (though sometimes Dad was up at this hour) to beat my other family’s to bathroom. After, I’d go back to sleep for my “morning nap” for about 20 minutes before continuing to get ready for school. In my
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Hello, Old Friend
January 18, 2021
“It’s your old friend, the comma splice,” it’s a note written on a lengthy treatment for a screenplay from a former college professor. Comma splices… yes… my old enemy… my old friend. Comma splices are: When you join two independent clauses with a comma and no conjunction, it’s called a comma splice. Some people consider
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Talent Show
January 14, 2021
The first talent show I ever participated in I was in elementary school. My sister and I would do a tandem performance. The song/act we would perform was hand picked by our mother, and as I recall, I had little say in the matter: we were to sing “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and
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Dating Material
December 27, 2020
It is of great annoyance to me when some more preachy comics have said, “what are you going to talk about in 2021 when stand-up comes back? Dating?” Um… yeah, probably. Only to be told that’s “not real life.” What? And how does that logic follow? For a long time, I thought my personality type
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Ice Cold Beers In The Snow
December 26, 2020
The wind pushed bare branches to the window panes above my bed, re-telling stories of winter. The falling snow, admittedly, twinkled in the street light and I felt a brief sense of awe before feeling the dread of shoveling and dig, dig, digging my car out of snow. For us in New York, it was
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Chapped Lips On The Face Of An Angel
December 21, 2020
Once upon time, when the world was free to go to things like see live comedy, I waited in the wings to perform my art. My fucked up, beautiful, pure, self-righteous, involuntary laughter inducing art form of stand-up comedy. I reached into my pocket for my chapstick. A pre-show habitual ritual of mine since day
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