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The Secret Safe
July 5, 2021
Despite the fact that I swore off all bridal and baby showers for the rest of my life, I’ve already recently been to a couple. But of course I’m not going to miss the baby shower for my nephew, or my cousin-to-be bridal shower. However, if you’ve invited me to a shower, please don’t be
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Throw Pillows
July 1, 2021
Not much about me is that girly. In fact, growing up among a group of best friends who were mostly guys, I was not only treated as one of the boys but when someone pointed out I was pretty or to have better manners around a lady, my friends (and brother) would scoff, “Lori?!! Lori
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On The Road Again
June 24, 2021
“She made $100,000 in just ONE month?” “Just one month. But it’s her first month on only fans, so she probably won’t make as much the following months.” “Jesus Christ. And to think I’ve been masturbating for free all these years. $100,000. Man.” “There’s got to be something a little fucked up about you if
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K.I.S.S.
June 19, 2021
I’m unsure where the saying came from or how far back it goes. But it lingers and is repeatedly spoken because of how true it is. Keep it simple, stupid. I might as well get it tattooed on me as a reminder. Most recently, my manager said this about my script. As I tend to
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Indoor Surfing
June 15, 2021
Surfers are basically crack heads for waves. Just as a stage and a hot crowd is heroin for comedians. Somewhere in my social media the Skudin Surf Park in New Jersey came up. I had always wanted to try a wave pool. A perfect wave? Over and over? Guaranteed conditions? I didn’t realize the American
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Way Too Much Butter
June 7, 2021
I took a small chunk of money and invested in some stocks. Not an impressive amount, mind you. Nor do I plan to sit on them for ten years. Maybe a year or so. With hopes that I’ll make some sort of a profit, maybe I could go on a vacation. Mostly I invested in
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Gnome Doors
May 26, 2021
“I was really high one night and ordered gnome doors. So I’m gonna put gnome doors in the park.” “Wait, what are you saying?” Katrina, Mike and I are in a dive bar chatting over drinks. “Gnome doors.” “Known door?” “No, gnome doors. Like little doors. Fairy doors. They’re like the size of your hand.”
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Not Quite Young
May 17, 2021
No year aged me more than 2020. I suspect many people feel the same way. For fucks sake, I even almost look my age now! Even when I was a scrawny teenager, I was under the impression my 30s would be my prime, not my 20s. I’m not even entirely sure why I felt this
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Adventure Pack
May 11, 2021
I don’t even own a single pocketbook. Not one. I only have small backpacks and a couple of wristlets. In fact, the handbag craze with women is completely lost on me. Usually if a woman brags about the price tag on her bag I think she is probably not that smart and likely not capable
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Missing Drone
May 9, 2021
I stood on the street examining a sign for a missing drone, you know, with a reward and all like one would post for a missing pet. We didn’t have many pets growing up, so never in my life would I know the stinging fear of a pet gone MIA (save for our turtle who
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